Tomorrow was my final exam and this meant I would finish my Bachelor’s degree in Engineering. Yet here I was in the kitchen preparing for another exam. I was getting things ready for tomorrow’s meeting with the prospective groom and his family my dad had invited home. I tried my best to convince my dad to push it for another day. Sadly he couldn’t do much as the groom had to return to Germany shortly and he was here on a short vacation. I didn’t intend to make my dad feel more helpless and agreed to this.

I was a bright student and good at academics. I was prepared well in advance for tomorrow’s exam and just had some last minute revisions which I could do while in the kitchen I thought. It was sad that I had to prepare for both by myself but that’s the way things were at home. We were a small family of three – my dad, brother and I. My dad was a bank employee. My brother had finished his engineering degree and taken up a job in an MNC. We all shared chores at home but the cooking task was all on me. I had learnt to make good meals right from a young age and quite enjoyed it so it didn’t seem like a tough one at all.

Morning came and I was in the utility area near the back door of our house all decked up in traditional wear with books on the washing machine. Soon after the meeting was over, I had intended to rush to college and could not handle any work at home. I had even warned my dad about this. I heard some noise near the front gate and thought they must have come. While I was ready to get back in the house, they came near the back door and saw me with my books. The groom’s aunt looked around and wondered why there was no decoration near the door to welcome guests and asked me the same. I smiled and said this was the back door, and they will have to take the stairs on the right to get to the front door. Then I decided to bring them in myself and walked with them to the front door. I guess this was weird for everyone as the girl is always introduced later as a common practice.

I welcomed the groom, his aunt and uncle and their twins and walked inside to the kitchen. They all settled down and began to speak with my dad and brother, and my aunt and uncle whom we had invited to be a part of this meeting. I couldn’t help but notice how smart the groom looked in his formal attire and also took note of the way his cousins spoke to him about my appearance and that we would make a good pair.

As all other formal meetings go, this one went from introducing each other’s family, discussing about work, education and where they lived and how settled they were in terms of property and assets. My aunt had got this proposal for me through her contacts. They spoke about common friends and acquaintances and appeared to get friendlier with each other.

Unlike other meetings I served hot Masala dosas for all of them along with kheer and filter coffee. They all liked my cooking and complemented me for the same. When the time came for me to meet with the groom and speak, I was excited and had wished to ask him so many things.

“Hi, I’m Ram. I live in Germany currently due to my work. I’ve done my Masters in Technology. I don’t have my parents, they both died in an accident few years ago. I don’t have any family here apart from my aunt and uncle, he is my father’s younger brother. My twin cousins are really excited to have met you and have been teasing me about our alliance ever since we got here” said Ram.

I smiled and said ok this is it, my turn to speak and ask all I wish to. He stopped me even before I had started and asked “Hey, by the way why isn’t your mother here? Has she gone anywhere on some priority work. It is not normal for a mother to miss something so important in her daughter’s life.”

My mind shut out, my throat was suddenly dry and I couldn’t speak anything. I just stood there and without my knowledge started to cry. He was appalled at this and apologized for asking about her. I stopped crying and gathered courage to speak and said “She lives in the U.S.A and yes she has far more important things than her children’s life. Sorry she couldn’t be here. She will never be here. She has another family there. My parents are officially separated but no one knows. If you ask dad about this he will surely say she’s dead and change the subject since it would make us sad. No one ever asks anything more. He has probably told the same to your aunt and uncle by now. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have cried but I was surely not expecting this. It came all of a sudden and I wasn’t prepared for this. For any of this to be honest. I have my final exam in a few hours and I should really be concentrating on that now. Can we meet another time and talk more if you are still here please?”

He tried to console me and gave me his contact details and said he was here for five more days and this Saturday would suit him. Today being Thursday, it would give me another day to get back to my normal state of mind and have a decent conversation with him I thought. With this we got back inside the house from the terrace and joined the rest of the family. It was time for them to leave and goodbyes were said. Both families agreed to take this further and speak next on Monday.

I turned to my dad and said I had to go to college now as it would get late. Ram heard this and turned back and asked if he could drop me off. Surprisingly my father agreed and said that would be ok. His cousins too wished to join us and he thought why not, the more the merrier. I didn’t speak anything while on the way in his car and was only trying to read from my book which was open to the page I had bookmarked. My mind was still stuck in the conversation about my mother. Surely it was my vulnerable spot. Ram noticed this and peeked into my book and said “A.I., sure this topic is very interesting. One of my favorites back in college and till today. There is so much more to explore in this region. Some of my current office projects also involve work around this.”

He spoke about technology throughout the journey and we had nearly arrived at my college. I got out of the car and said bye, and started to walk inside the gate when I suddenly remembered about Saturday’s meet and turned back to remind him too. This surprised his cousins and they gave me a teasing look and I smiled.

After the exam, I texted Ram to confirm the place and time for our meeting. I had chosen a café nearby and was hoping it would be ok for him too. We both agreed to meet at 11 am. This time I had to be very prepared and not go down like last time I thought. I also mentioned to Ram not to tell anything about this meeting to his aunt or uncle and I wouldn’t tell my dad. I just wanted to keep it informal and not make a big deal. He agreed too.

At 11 am on Saturday I was ready and smiling at the café table and waiting for him to join. Ten minutes passed and he didn’t come, I thought he must have been stuck in traffic. I ordered myself a nice cup of coffee and kept my wait on. I had now waited for nearly forty-five minutes and decided to call him if he had forgotten about today. He didn’t answer my phone call at first. When I called him the second time, he answered but his tone was half sleepy. He realized that he had overslept, all thanks to the jet lag and would come at the earliest. I agreed to wait. Waiting was making me restless, hungry and angry all at the same time. It was 12.30 when he finally joined me at the café. The waiter at the café immediately got a plate of pasta to the table. Ram smiled at this and said, “I’m sorry that this wait has made you hungry and angry too I presume, you have every right to be upset but please eat this first.” I smiled a bit at this and started to eat. Hungry and angry were certainly not the right emotions for this meeting I thought and tried to keep my calm.

I nearly emptied the plate and realized I haven’t left any for him to share. Now I tried to be apologetic and he dismissed my look with a loud laugh. I felt friendlier with him and started to enjoy this first date with him.

After we both had eaten, I started to speak. “Firstly I must say I shouldn’t have been so emotional with you the other day since we had only just met but you caught me off guard. I apologize for that. Secondly, thanks for dropping me to college the other day and talking to me all about technology. It surely interests me and motivates me. By the way I did my exam pretty well. I wanted to mention to you that I have an offer letter from a reputed MNC and I am expected to join shortly. My plan was to finish exams, take a short break and go on a holiday with friends, before I could start a job. You were a last minute adjustment I must admit. You might well be surprised at me serving masala dosas at home. That wasn’t to prove I’m a great cook or try to do things differently. I just didn’t have the time to prepare anything else from scratch.”

Ram understood the subtle annoyance in my tone and said, “Sorry if I have ruined your plans. To be frank, this a last minute adjustment on my part too. I was only here on a short 2 week vacation when my aunt suddenly brought this up. She had even lined up at least 6 more meetings to see prospective brides. I’m not in for this kind of a hop-from-one-to-next arrangement. I saw your photo and liked the way you looked. I saw many other photos too, or rather was made to see many many many other photos” he laughed. “You might think that it is rude for me to mention this, I am not here just because I like the way you look while I can’t ignore the fact that it has been a driving factor. I guess this is how arranged marriages work, we will have to figure out what else we like, what other common interests we have and how we can make things work if and when we get to be a couple”.

This was the time to stop him I thought and said, “I’m not prepared to get married now, and I just met you at my father’s insistence. I have my family here, I have lived here and made friends, created lasting memories, I’m about to even take up a job and start working to explore new opportunities. I certainly wouldn’t want to miss out on all this and leave everything behind and move to another country with you. All this while I sat here at the café and tried to think of one good reason to agree to this proposal considering the changes it will bring in my life.”

Ram was quiet and he didn’t know what to say. He understood the direction in which this was going. Before he could say anything I started to speak again and said, “You look smart, you speak well, are well educated and have a good career and a good position at such a young age. I also understand that you might be feeling lonely in a faraway country but are these really good reasons to get married? Marriage is a constant adjustment. Well, I’m no expert but I have seen people struggling to make it last, why go elsewhere when I have the example right at home. I’m not blaming my parents, they did their best to keep us kids out of their conflicts. My mom left dad because she was too educated and wanted to have her career and be successful. It’s not her fault that she was driven by ambition. My father could have been a bit more supportive and attentive towards her desires. He was blinded by the rituals and customs his elders imposed on them and didn’t want to change his perspective. My mother didn’t have a choice but to leave this family in pursuit of something that would make her happy. Gladly she found another partner who supported her. Happy for both of them but what about us kids. We both miss our mom every day. We have even managed to get her address in the U.S.A and when we have enough money saved up, we will surely visit her.”

Ram was deep in thought hearing all that I had uttered and took some time for this to sink in. He then answered “I agree to everything you said, about your father and your mother but not so much about me. Sure I have all those qualities you mentioned and this would put in the prospective groom category but that’s not how it works for me. I have been too shy to approach any women in my life and lacked courage to speak up but deep inside I have always desired to be attracted to a nice woman, not just for her looks but for her greater personality. You have it all in you. You’re, well, too good looking, educated, I also heard from your father that you have scored distinction in all your semesters, you do all things with passion. I noticed everything at your place the other day, right from the way you welcomed us, how you served food with affection, how you spoke the truth about your mom, how you were quick to hide your tears from you family thinking it would disturb them, and even keeping this meeting a secret from elders because you think that would mean them mistaking us to have taken this further when all you really want to do is end this here.”

Ram took another big breath and said “I love you Manasa, I would really be happy and consider myself lucky to get married to a woman like you. I’m not going to ask you if you love me too as that would be stupid at this point.” He then looked at his watch and stood up, “I have got to go now as I have to meet a few friends over for a movie this afternoon. I would invite you but”

I interrupted him and said “That’s ok, I probably should get going too. I’m sorry if I have been rude here. That was not my intention. You’re a nice person and you’ll do well in life. Goodbye now” and left from the café.

We didn’t speak till Monday. As agreed at home, the elders were to discuss if the alliance suited everyone. Ram’s aunt and uncle called us home. We went over to his place which was at least twice as big as ours, not that it mattered I thought. His cousins told me that Ram owned this place and it was his father’s and they only live here because Ram wouldn’t have this place empty or let out to others. He had too many precious memories here. Then why wouldn’t he come back and live here I thought to myself.

Ram was dressed in ethnic wear and looked stunning. Coincidentally I wore a saree of the same color and was obviously teased about that. When it was our turn to give our opinion on this proposal, Ram spoke first to my father and said “I would dearly love to be a part of your family uncle, but I suppose it would be unfair for Manasa to move away from her life here, maybe we should give this some time. How about she takes up a job and in 6 months’ time she will have a fair idea about what is right for her. If she doesn’t wish to leave her job, I certainly would respect her choice. If she changes her mind, consider myself the luckiest” and winked at me.

They all exchanged baffled looks, but later agreed to this. I said a muted thank you and smiled at Ram. I was the happiest person of them all. We had a few more relaxed conversations and later returned home. Ram was to leave to Germany the next day and had to pack things. For no known reason, a tiny sorrow tugged at me, wanting me to call him and speak to him. I definitely had to thank him for what he had done today.

When he answered the phone, I was expecting a hello but he said “Thank me later darling but in 6 months’ time you would be packing your bags too and moving with me to Germany. Mark my words” he said and hung the phone.

Surprised and confused, and feeling stupid for having called him, I went to bed that night. The next morning when I woke up, I knew that he would be too busy with last minute preparations for his flight. He would be gone from this country in a few hours I thought and somehow this thought made me a bit sad instead of giving a sense of relief. Why on earth would I feel sad if some stranger whom I met just a week ago was going away? Was I starting to develop feelings towards him? No I thought and splashed cold water on my sleepy face as if that would reach my brain and wake that up too.

To my surprise, he was sitting in the hall chatting away happily with my brother and dad. It was way too much I thought. Had he cancelled his flight and decided to stay back here? If so would I have to reconsider my options? Even before I could think any further Ram came to me and said, “Don’t worry my flight is still on, I just came here to say bye one last time and wish you luck to see if your will power helps you last the full 6 months. Bye my darling Manasa, will miss you but no worries, I shall call, email, text every day. See you now.” With this he left. What a shameless guy! Does he have any regrets for what he had done or said? I thought angrily and decided to not think about him.

This idea of not thinking about him was totally going wrong as every minute I was thinking about him and only him. His emails and texts were causal and friendly, sometimes he would call and talk about his day, or his office project and would explain about the technologies he gets to explore every day. His words didn’t seem like he was forcing me to accept him. I enjoyed this routine too. I had started my job and would talk to him about it. I thought it would be boring for him if I explained everything in detail but he would always insist I tell him the full story.

One weekend, I called Ram and he didn’t answer. I left him a text message and an email with the hope that he will answer. Surprisingly there was no response to either of them. Beginning to get worried, I started pacing around my room restlessly. It made me wonder why I had to depend on him so much to share everything. I could have a conversation with my family, or friends or colleagues but why Ram. The “Repeated appearance is acceptance” theory suddenly clicked to mind. So this was his plan all along I thought. He has made me to think of him repeatedly and unknowingly I have become a victim of his plan I thought. I was getting a bit furious when my phone rang. I picked up and said hello “Manasa, sorry I had been busy. Tell me what happened, you have sent so many texts, emails and god knows how many missed calls. Do I have to apply for your visa to Germany?” he laughed.

Even in a voice call, I could visualize his happiness. I decided to ask him “Why on earth is getting married to me so important to you? Why do you call me every day, make yourself a part of my routine? Are you hoping to get me to accept you by doing all this? You could have been married by now if you had chosen one from the many many many photos you saw. Why would you not?” I demanded.

He only laughed out loud and said, “That’s because no one else can be you. You’re special to me. I know that I’m special to you too. I know it right from the first time I saw you and saw the way you looked at me with those deep eyes. How else would you remember even simple things like how many times I had said “many” and repeated it the exact same way? I guess I don’t really have much to say as it would really spoil the moment for us.” He waited for my answer.

There were a few minutes of silence and I almost wanted to hang up the phone but decided to ask him one last question. “Ram, would you ever regret doing all this if things don’t work out between us? Would it feel like a waste of your precious time if I wasn’t the right person for you? Sometimes I think that you are shameless and you have no regrets in doing all this and in saying all the things you say to me now.”

Ram merely said “No regrets ever, Manasa. I would rather regret if I didn’t try doing all the things I do now to keep me in your thoughts. I wish and I never wish otherwise, for you and me to be together. So tell me, are you with me on this?”

I smiled and looked up and said “I wish to be like you, to live with no regrets. I would regret if I missed out on having someone special like you in my life. Yes, I love you Ram. I love you most.”

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